meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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