just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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