And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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