Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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