It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
only you would photoshop your dick
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
