I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
