He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
