haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
