dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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