if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
