3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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