Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
try to milk me bitch
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
