That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize