go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I want to make a zoo with you.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
