Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
