um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
