just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
