And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
