We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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