hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
