In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize