My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
