Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
