I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
