just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
