Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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