We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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