So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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