Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
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