There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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