I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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