This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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