Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
