That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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