he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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