I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
