I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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