just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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