So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
