Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
