U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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