So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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