I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
