no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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