1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
