Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
