Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
did you just send me my own nude
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
