I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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