My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
