I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i dont even know how to be here
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
