i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
two words: eviction party
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize