Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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