you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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