well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
