i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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