There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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