dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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