My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
