While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
