you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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