Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
