mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
