after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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