if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
