You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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