Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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