She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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