Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
