What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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