Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize