So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Randomize
