Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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