Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
