A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
