HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
