I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
