After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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