First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
