i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
