so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
sex in a hospital.. check
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize