I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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