just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
