shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
