so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
