i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize