You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
