is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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