I don't think brook has ever known best
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
