I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
