My sheets look like a crime scene.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
