I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
