Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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