I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
