i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
