he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize