I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
